Denise’s Law

Today I learned about the Wikipedia list of eponymous laws; that is, laws named after a person. In some cases, the named person coined the law and in others it came from their work. I like Dolbear’s law, “an empirical relationship between temperature and the rate of cricket chirping.” That started me thinking about a law that could be named for me.
Like Murphy’s law, Denise’s law could involve a mishap. In the kitchen: “Whatever can be burned will be burned.” “There is always a hole in the oven mitt.” “It’s easier to cut a cuticle than a carrot.”
Maybe it could be a linguistic law. “Its is possessive; it’s a contraction; don’t let apostrophes be a distraction.” Here’s one just for U.S. English. “Parentheses are rounded; brackets are all square. Whenever they are used, they must come in a pair.”
I didn’t see any dietary or food-related laws on the list, so maybe I could claim one. “If all else fails, eat chocolate.” “Today’s leftovers are tomorrow’s inspiration.” “Don’t let the sun set on an uneaten dessert.”
I could try something thought-provoking like Linus’s law (Linus Torvald, not the blanket kid) : “Given enough eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.” Or there is Leibniz’s law, a principle in metaphysics also known as the “Identity of Indiscernibles.” It states: “If two objects have all their properties in common, then they are one and the same object.” Or how about “Gell-Mann amnesia effect: Believing newspaper articles outside one’s area of expertise, even after acknowledging that neighboring articles in one’s area of expertise are completely wrong.” That would require more thought than I’m willing to undertake at the moment.
Finally, here’s a happy thought from a mathematician: “Individuals can expect miracles to happen to them, at the rate of about one per month.” Coined by Professor J E Littlewood.
So here it is. Denise’s Law: Miracles can only happen to individuals who expect them. And if all else fails, eat chocolate


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